if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
