Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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