Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
