ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
