Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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