This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
