The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize