So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
