my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
