I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
