I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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