i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
