She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Blood and glitter go together right?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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