remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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