You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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