hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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