You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
