hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
