they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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