im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
