This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
