you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
