we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is Oprah even human
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
