i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
