So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
me + whiskey = a bad person
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
