I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
