Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
