btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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