Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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