How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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