i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
