im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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