dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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