Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
