Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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