guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize