ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
