I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
