I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
