Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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