My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
