The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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