its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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