Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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