Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
