on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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