I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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