Sponge bath it is.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
