I puked a lego.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
