I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
