I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
