If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
