Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
