I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
