Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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