i permit you to call me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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