whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
