What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
someone owes me an orgasm
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
