exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
