remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
