Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
