i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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