I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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