so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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