i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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