I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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